My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
