he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
