mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
