remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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