Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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