if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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