do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
