For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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