I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
