I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
