I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
