I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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