Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
