i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
