Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
