so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
