You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
