i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
