There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
