I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
