There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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