So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
