I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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