dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
