I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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