I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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