toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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