i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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