You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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