Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
