I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
