I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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