did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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