hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I bet he comes in French.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
