i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
