saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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