he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
