that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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