please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
