Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
