i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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