I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
