also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
