I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
