I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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