i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
