how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
