can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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