do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
