You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
