I feel like abortions should bother me more
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
