I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
