Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
