hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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